How to Impress a Married Woman to fall in Love with You

HOW DID IT HAPPEN?

It may be difficult for you to know exactly how you got into this situation.
Some are honest enough with themselves that they know step-by-step how everything came to be as it is now.
Others have more difficulty, their mind confused because what they are doing is so contrary to what they believe and value.
Some feel that God sent them their soul mate. Others blame it on their spouse’s actions or lack of actions. Underlying vulnerabilities very likely made the new relationship possible. Highly revered marriage researcher John Gottman writes in his book The Marriage Clinic:
How to Impress a Married Woman to fall in Love with You

…many clinicians…have been quick to point out that ‘affairs involve sex, but sex is usually not the purpose of the affair’…In fact, most clinicians who have written in this area report that affairs are usually about seeking friendship, support, understanding, and validation…they are about getting the acceptance that is missing in the marriage.”

My work with thousands of married couples in crisis indicates that this is exactly the case. Relationship affairs – as opposed to the one-night-stand type of affairs that are wholly about sex and not at all about relationship – usually find root in a person’s feeling unloved, unaccepted, disliked, and/or disrespected.
That doesn’t mean that the person necessarily went looking for affirmation and validation from someone else. However, when it came, it captured his/her heart and they fell in love with someone else. If you suspect your spouse of having an affair, take the Affair Test after reading this article to get a good idea if your fears are justified.
Maybe you describe this new relationship similar to the way others I’ve worked with:

• “I’ve never been loved like this.”
• “No one understands me as well as he/she does.”
• “This is the person I was meant to be with.”
• “I can’t explain how this feels because I don’t think anyone else can understand it. It’s intense. Amazing. Wonderful.”

Most likely your desire is not to hurt the person you’re married to, but rather to live in this new level of love that you never knew existed.
You don’t mean to harm family, friends, coworkers, church buddies, or anyone else. Your desire is to have, not to hurt. (There may be an exception to that if you feel that your spouse has been unkind or hurtful. If so, that degree of negativity toward your spouse probably increased its intensity after your affair began.)